It all started when I was 16,
he was 21.We began dating in December of 2002.
He was roomating with my brother and some other friends.
In February he moved into a duplex with a high school friend.
The "friend" did coke. I told him if he
ever got into that then I would leave. In April I
noticed a lot of changes.
He would stay up all night, sleep all day,
wouldn't eat and so forth. I found a stash an confronted him
about it and he said I just tried it a couple of times and we came to
an agreement that he would stop.
Well, that didn't work! the bills weren't getting paid, he'd stay out of
work, ask me for money, the list goes on. This went on for about a year.
He moved in with a family member to save money and try to get clean.
That worked for about 3 months that I know of.
It happened little by little. Until one
night he was so high on crack he ate about 20 ibuprofens.
He stayed at his "buddies" house. I picked
him up from there the next morning and he was deathly ill. He wouldn't tell
me what happened until we got to the hospital. He confessed what he had done
and was admitted into the ICU for 5 days.
Upon being discharged he vowed to go to meetings and such.
He didn't stick with it. He then moved in
with a co-worker. They started doing it too! so he
decided that he didn't want to be around it and moved in with his mother! as
far as I know he was clean from October to March
of 2005. I was on my way home from school and
spotted his truck somewhere we both know he had no business being! he had
called into work to go get high. This time it was
crack (he did it before too!) we talked and he found a one-on-one counselor
and was meeting with him weekly.
After a while his work schedule became "too
busy to go". He was fine for six months!
I thought it was all over with for good. WRONG!!!
after I graduated we decided to move in together. He
had been saving for almost a year for it. This
past September he relapsed on the 1st. layed up in
a motel in a bad part of town and spent his paycheck. Called
me the next day and I picked him up.
We left his truck there. We got a hotel
room that night and talked about it and he told me he just needed his own
place and that he was so stupid for doing it and he felt bad.
So of course I forgave him.
The next day we applied for an apartment and
got it. We were so excited. Well
things have went back to their old ways since. He
doesn't come home right after work, he lies to me about where he is, knowing
I know where he is! he has direct deposit into my account but still gets
money! He has no access to it but has the payroll
split, $300 into my account and he gets a check
for the rest!
I work 3-11 so that's his playtime. He has sent
me to the ATM a 6am to get $100.00 and he stays up
smoking crack in our closet. He doesn't seem to
care at all. He doesn't love me he loves his
crack!
I have tried everything to help and he says ok I'm
done then 4 days or less later its the same thing all over again.
I don't know if it will ever stop.
I know I need to get out but its not what I WANT to do!
I'm only 19 years old and I cant let him drag me
down too. I have everything going for me. I am a certified nursing assistant
and I'm going back to school in the spring for my
RN, have a brand new car that I pay for myself,
I manage all the bills with what I have to work with and I just cant
paint on a fake smile anymore.
I know there is nothing or nobody out there to help me or him.
I've never had an addiction other than cigarettes and have never
touched a drug. I have to get the courage to go
because I know he will never change. What he don't
realize is that he's not only hurting him self but
me and the rest of the family too. And
I'm tired of the blame being put on me.
Its never a good excuse its always that I bitch too much,
he had a bad day, or something stupid, it's
never the real reason which is "I'm a
Crackhead and I have a problem!" anyway I do feel
better having told my story and I urge anyone in the same situation to get
out as I am about to do. And if your an
addict-look around you! your wasting your life and loosing EVERYTHING!!!
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