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I started using heroin when I was 19 years old. I was first introduced
to the drug in the underground "Rave" Techno scene in Detroit in the
late 90's. I at first only started snorting it. I loved the way it
made me feel. It made me feel better then anything I had ever
experienced before in my life. I started using heroin only on "the
weekends". At one time I actually thought that I had it under control.
It wasn't long before I started using it everyday and then shooting it
up with a syringe. My father grew up in Detroit and had many friend's
that had heroin addictions in his high school. He knew that they was
something wrong with me. He asked me if I was using heroin. I told him
the truth and sought help, only to please him. Not to help myself. I
went to my first treatment center. I wasn't even there two days, when I
walked out the door and went back to the dope house.
I ended up going into an IOP program and
managing to stay clean for a little over a month. My parents were
planning a family vacation to Mackinaw Island. I relapsed before the
trip. I thought that I could bring enough dope and rationalize it
though the days I was gone. I wasn't even there two days when I ran out
of heroin. I started to go through bad withdrawals. I couldn't sleep
or eat. My parents said they were going to eat. In complete
desperation, I tried to shoot up a rinse out of my cap and my parents
walked back into the room and saw me shooting up. My dad started to
cry, saying how he didn't want to lose his daughter. So, I attempted to
get sober again, for my Dad, not for myself.
I ended up going on the methadone
program. I thought that this was the answer. I only then became
addicted to methadone and heroin. At this point I was unemployable. My
parent's told me to get help or get out. I chose to get out. I could
not face them. I was so addicted. I could not stop. I had no
emotions. I didn't care about anything or anyone. I went to live on
the streets. I lived a life of crime. I was prostituting, committing B
& E's, shoplifting, you name it. There were several occasions were I
was caught, but I would only do a 30-60 days in the county jail, and
then be back on the streets. My life was a complete wreck. I never
showered. I was under 100 lbs. I lived out of abandoned buildings.
One day I overdosed. I woke up with cold
water being poured over my head and being slapped about. I didn't want
to go on living the way I was living anymore. I walked up to the local
gas station and called my dad collect. I begged him to come pick me
up. He did. When he go there, he cried when he saw me. I was so dirty
and skinny. I went to treatment at a place called Dawn Farms. I wanted
to stay sober. I had a lot of willingness. I did want they told me to
do. I got a sponsor. I started working the steps. I got honest. I
then got out of the Farm and suddenly, my willingness changed. I
stopped talking suggestions and working the steps. I relapsed and
picked up again.
With that relapse, I was so embarrassed.
I didn't think that I could come back into the program. I lost
everything really quickly, and was back on the street. However, this
time I had a head full of AA. I was so miserable. One day I got into a
bad car accident and I ended up in the hospital. A social worker came
in and told me about this treatment center called The Home of New
Vision. It was 12-18 months and was for all women. I need help. I was
scared to go, but I did anyway.
Since that day, I have been sober. I
have not used for almost 14 months. For a heroin addict like me, that
is a complete miracle. I have worked all the steps and I try to
incorporate the steps into my life. I don't just work the steps, I live
the steps. I work with other addicts on a daily basis. I am in college
to get a degree so I can get a license to work with other addicts. I
know in order to keep it, I need to give it away. I can't put into to
word how much my life has changed. I thought that I was a hopeless
junkie, who was going to die from my addiction. Today I have hope.
Thank You
Anonymous Recovering Heroin Addict
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