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Hi,
I am 34 years old. I started using drugs and alcohol when I was 14. I
thought it was cool. I thought it was what grown ups did to cope. Its
what I was taught.
I got in a bit of trouble here and there but nothing serious. At least,
nothing I couldn't talk myself out of, or into believing that it wasn't
serious.
One day, I just simply woke up. I was tired of lying to myself to make
my life seem better. I was tired of the guilt from the lies. I was just
tired of feeling like such a total fraud.
I told a friend that I wanted to quit using drugs. She said, "You'll
never stop. You're one of us. We're gonna use forever." She said it
with such conviction, as if she could see my life play out before her
eyes and I didn't even have a choice in the matter.
So, with $650.00 in my pocket, I cut my losses. I moved away. I quit my
job. I packed up my apartment and my child. I never called those
"friends" again. I lived with a clean friend for two weeks while I
found a room mate who would welcome us into her house.
Within a few weeks I had a job and within a few months I had a better
job. I moved out on my own and never looked back. Instead, I looked
within. I found the ghosts I'd been running from and I faced them. I
drew boundaries between myself and my family members who still used
drugs. I'd never been so lonely in all my life.
But I had my child. And I had my sanity. And I had my sobriety. Now, 8
years later, I quit my better job, and became a drug counselor instead.
The pay sucks but the internal rewards are nice. I have a wonderful
husband who has never experimented with a single drug in his life. I
have a charming 10 year old who knows about my past and loves me in
spite of it. I own a home. I have a savings account. I still have my
sanity, and my sobriety. But I never forget how close I was to loosing
my sanity, and I always remember how easy it would be to loose my
sobriety.
My program? Easy. I simply don't use. And as long as I never pick up
that first drug, I will never have to go back there, and work my way
back to here, again.
I'm Kris, and I'm an addict. |
