At one time I was asked
by a family member why I thought I was an addict or what made think I was an
addict.
I had to think about this for sometime starting to wonder myself. so here is
my story and this is why I know I am a addict.
My story starts the same way as most
I had my first taste of liquor when I was seven years old. Both of my
parents liked to party a lot but after to much to drink they needed a bar
tender and of course they asked me and what kid says no to their parents.
In my home no was a non existent word.
I
wanted to see what it had tasted like, thinking
that if it made this much fun then maybe it tastes good so I tried it and of
course not knowing what an alcoholic was yet.
I loved it so much and every time
I made the drinks I
needed the taste of it like I needed nothing more.
At the age of 12 my parents decided that the parties needed to stop
partying. Of course this devastated me. I couldn't
believe my ears, before
all this I was a good kid hung out with the rite crowd had my homework
always done and did everything my parents told me to do.
After my parents decided to ruin my life (as I liked to put it) I found a
whole new set of so called friends they gave me everything I needed.
At the age of 13 drugs and sex were introduced into my new life. Then
life definitely couldn't get better, my school work suffered, my parents
couldn't stand me around I started to lie cheat steal anything it took to
get any fixes I needed.
At the age of 15 I got kicked out of school and home and went to the foster
care system and of course that is not the best place for
a kid to be with the difficulties any kid was having if anything
thing it went from bad to worse. The drug of
choice changed the liquor intake increased and sex well I
don't need to go further with that.
I
turned 17 and had my first suicide attempt everything that I thought was
great went sour. The people supporting my habits couldn't do it for free
anymore and I had to start paying for it. I used every measure I could
possibly think of to get any fixes I needed but it got to much to handle so
I had to find a way out. 'So naturally suicide was
the first thought I could think of not being able to go home or anywhere for
that matter. But unfortunately my suicide attempt didn't work I ended up in
the hospital for 2 months for psychiatric treatment but still managed to get
high in the hospital. Eeventually
I had to go home so I did with nothing new to go home to so I just continued
and every time things got to much to handle I turned to suicide.
I kept going on this track till the age of 21, then I found other trouble to
get into I turned to breaking the law. With the
thought that things would be good but to my surprise it sure was not.
After 2months in the hospital again I found the man of my dreams (so I
thought) he took me in looked after me gave me everything I could possibly
need except for drugs and alcohol. Things were
good there until I got pregnant then things went down hill again. He left me
on my own pregnant with no money
and no were to live..
So I went home moved in with a friend and the old me was back. still
pregnant not realizing the harm I was doing to my baby.
After I had him my parents took custody of him rite away so he
wouldn't be adopted out with hopes I would change and want him back.
So again life was good my way at least for a couple of more years.
Then came the day I decided to sober up,
That day was the worst day of my life!
I had been sexually assaulted by someone I had trusted with all my heart, my
house had been broken into and to top things I got a drunk driving charge,
so of course I went to suicide again and this time
I had just about succeeded and for some reason what I had what I really
wanted I was at deaths door, all I could remember was the pain my body was
in and pleading with god that if he let me live I would do whatever he
wanted me to do.
5 days later I woke up with no idea who I was or were I
was nothing. My brain was at a blank.
Again I was in the psychiatric ward but
this time I had a great nurse and the only words I remember to this day that
she said to me was you are an addicts you have 2 choices 1 clean your life
up or 2 die and if you die remember one thing it may hurt me for a few
minutes but it will hurt those I love for all eternity and then she told me
her story of heart aches and pain and all I could do was cry I don't
remember ever crying like that in all my life.
It was in that room with that nurse I chose to make the rest of my life
clean.
This was 4 years ago,
but this unfortunately does not end here for me. My mom died last year in
the year 2003 and I did very well dealing with it for the first year this is
now December 2004 and I am now 3 weeks clean and sober again. this happened
because I stopped working my steps, stopped
talking to my sponsor, stopped going to meetings
and stopped believing in god.
As
a person with second hand experience with this I don't recommend any one to
stop doing all this because our sobriety is what keeps us going so don't get
complacent don't forget who you are and that is an
addict that needs help.
This
is my story and for any one that reads this I really hope you take it to
heart because if I had listened in the first place I would still be 4 years
sober but I also got a chance because I was only out for 4 months and I have
seen in the program people go out but not come in to see sobriety again they
have died an alcoholic and I don't know about you but I am not going to die
and alcoholic
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