Hello Family!!
Let me start by saying THANKS to my HP and to all of you for making this
possible today!!
I am going to try to tell you a little of what it was like, what happened,
and what it's like today. Just bear with me, maybe someone, somewhere will
get something out of my experience.
I was first introduced to the rooms of AA at the age of 13. My mother was
an alcoholic throughout my childhood, and when she found this way of life,
I found hers.
I began drinking my freshman year in high school. I remember that I would
go to the package store, buy three bottles of wine, and pray that that
would last me through the night on the weekends. Of course, it never
would, and there were always trips back. I drank like this every weekend
of my high school career. Sometimes even through the week, it just
depended on where I was and if I was going to have to come home to face
"Ms. AA" as I called my mom to my "friends". How I graduated high school
was only by the Grace of God, and nothing I did.
By my senior year in high school, my drinking had
progressed drastically. I was drinking whenever I could, not caring about
the consequences, or my mother. I was dating a guy at the time that smoked
marijuana frequently, and he was always trying to get me to smoke with
him. One night I gave in because I didn't have any alcohol. I remember
that I didn't really care for it, because it made me paranoid, but I
continued to smoke with him the rest of our relationship.
After I graduated, I was introduced to pain pills as
a recreational drug. And I loved these, because I could tell Ms. AA that I
was no longer drinking. That was also the first time that I went to AA
meetings for myself. I sat there and told everyone what they wanted to
hear, because I had heard the talk for years, and I wasn't lying...I
wasn't drinking. Just swallowing every pill that I could get my hands on.
Shortly thereafter started my "geographical cures." I
began to move everywhere to get away from this disease. I would live with
men, women, family, in my car, on the street, I didn't care, just as long
as I had my pills. I entered my first treatment center at age 20. I
admitted that I was an alcoholic, but a pillhead? Me??? No, thank you.
I rocked on like this for almost four more years. I
got married in a blackout during this time, stole money, possessions,
anything I could to get a pill. I didn't care who I hurt.
My first jail experience was at the age of 23. My mother pressed charges
on me for a check I had written on her. This was God doing for me what I
could not do for myself at the time. I was given probation, with the
condition that I would complete and eighteen-month Drug Court program.
This was in June of 2001. I jumped at the chance. For deep down, I knew
that I had a problem, and I was ready to quit.
I did my time in the Drug Court program, was an active member of AA for
those 18 months, and was SOBER. I loved life!! I began to be trusted,
loved, accepted. Most importantly, I had a spiritual life.
Then, in December of 2002, I found out I had disks
ruptured in my back. I thought at the time that I had a good enough
program to take a mild pain pill. And so I did, for about two weeks I took
them as prescribed. Then my disease was off and running again. I stayed
out for over a year. And let me tell you that what we say about "picking
up right where we left off" is SO VERY TRUE. It was like I had never
stopped. AND IT JUST GETS WORSE. I thought I had experienced everything
there was to experience in the drug life...boy, was I wrong!!
We all have different bottoms, and some of us have
two, three, ten, before we ACCEPT what we are, and ADMIT who we are. I
pray daily for those of us that die from this disease without having done
this first.
I am sober today. I have begun going to AA again on a
daily basis. NA..sometimes. I know this program works. I have seen it in
my parents, other people, and in me. Going to meetings, reading the basic
text, talking to my sponsor and others, and having a relationship with my
HP is what works today. I have almost a month and a half of clean time,
and to tell you the truth, I wouldn't trade it for my previous 18 months
clean for anything. I learned a whole lot about me during this year. And I
learned even more when I came back into these rooms. I am WILLING to
listen today, WILLING to work today for this, WILLING to do what is
suggested of me.
I am 25 years old today, and I have seen more of this
disease in action than needed. I thank GOD each and every day for the
founders of this program. Someone knew...someone knew.
Melena M.
Russellville, AL |
