I would like to share some of my experience, strength, and hope with all of you and maybe some of you will be able to identify with it. I would like to talk about recovery from the disease of addiction, and spread the message of recovery, and not the mess. However, I believe it is necessary to first qualify so that you will know some of what I have been through, and maybe not have to go there yourself.

I started using at about 10 years old. The first drug that I was introduced to was alcohol. Since it was a legal drug it was easily obtainable from the closest source - my home. I grew up with a bar and pool table in the basement, so it was kind of like living in one. My dad was a drinker, but somehow he never seemed to cross that line into addiction. Even though I know that when he lost his leg in the war, he was addicted to morphine for a while. My mother had a problem with alcohol for as long as I could remember. And taking valiums for all those years in combination with the alcohol certainly didn’t help her at all. By the time I was 12 years old I was not doing all of the activities that I once had done. I was more interested in using and not feeling what was inside of me. By the time I was about 16 I quit school, and the pot and other drugs were now very common in my life. One of the over the counter drugs at that time was codeine. It was in a lot of cough remedies and didn’t require a prescription. I over dosed on that drug first. When I was 18 I was a full-blown heroin addict. At 19 the law enforcement community issued my first arrest warrants for armed robbery. I went under ground and hid out in the drug culture for two years, until I was finally caught and almost shot down. I was sentenced to 2 ½ to 5 years and while in prison my associates got me a job in the bakery. I thought they were doing me a favor, but that is where the yeast and sugar were kept, which were the main ingredients for home brew. This enabled us to drink freely, and trade the ingredients for other drugs. When I was sentenced I thought I would be clean in there, but my using only progressed. Of course it wasn’t exactly like the streets, and on a few occasions I had to step over a body to get to where I was going. And then there was a riot just before the holidays, and I spent my first holidays in 24-hour lock-up. I didn’t learn much about recovery in there.

After I was paroled, my girlfriend got pregnant with our first child, so within 6 mos. of my release I was married with a son on the way. Being on parole didn’t change my behavior any, and prison only served to make me harder, and colder than before. We had another baby, a girl, and my marriage was over shortly after that. My wife told me to choose between using, and our marriage. It took about 5 seconds to come to a decision, and I packed my things and headed out. I lived in a tent for two months. The next several years are kind of a blur, but eventually I met another woman that used the same drugs as me, but not nearly as much. As far as I was concerned it was a match made in heaven, and within 6 mos. I was married again.

There was a lot of insanity in our relationship, and finally after a few separations I started doing the revolving door thing in rehabs. This went on for several more years until in 1995 I hit a bottom and I was getting tired and beat. I was introduced to NA by two guys doing an H & I commitment. One of those guys turned out to be my first real Sponsor. He was heavy into the Steps and I started working them with him. Within 5 years I had worked through all 12 Steps, and gone to college and gotten three degrees. I was working with addicts and teenagers, and my marriage was back and I was flying on that pink cloud. My kids from my first marriage were right behind me, and so was my stepdaughter from my second marriage. However, life on life’s terms happens, even in recovery. I had introduced my wife to NA and she had been in recovery for several years as well, but she fell ill and was hospitalized 10 times over a two-year period. I also had a back injury and by now the doctors were prescribing narcotics for both of us. We were not going to meetings any longer and I stayed at home and cared for her for two years. Our addictions had grabbed hold of us once again. During this time my father was hospitalized and died, and the two girls were married. At his point our marriage was on the rocks again. I started going back to meetings, and we moved in together again, but I kept taking her drugs until everything came to a head. I was arrested twice within a month, and the court ruled that we stay away from each other for at least a year, after almost 20 years together. She chose to go on living in the problem and not the solution. They say when you hit a bottom that you may have no place to go but up. I believe that all of these things were a blessing in disguise. I’ve now been clean for a while, and am still working on putting my life back together again, but cleaning up the wreckage of my past is going to take some time. By working the Steps with my Sponsor, going to meetings, and asking my Higher power and others for help…..I know that I’m going to be okay. All I have to do is not pick up that first drug. Thanks to everyone for allowing me to share my story with you. God Bless. - Kenny B. - Granite State Area of NA - New Hampshire.