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Scotty's Story:
I know this is a long story, but please read it
Let it soak into every fiber of your being.
I met Scotty in 1986 at a bar that my roommate worked at. He would always
come in with his friend Steve and they would sit around and BS drinking
Crown Royal Shots (they were known as the Crown Royal Boys) any how. They
were both very nice and polite likeable kinda guys. Scotty would sometimes
come in by himself and he always had looked so down ... Later I found out it
was because he was very lonely.
One time he asked me out to dinner with no strings attached as he put it,
but I was in a relationship at the time and had to decline his kind offer.
Later in one day in September of 1987 I was at the bar and Scotty was there
too and I wasn't very happy in my relationship because of abuse and I ended
up going over to Scott's house to drink and do crank. We partied and talked
and drank ... we talked about all kinds of things including my unhappy
relationship ... he offered me a place to stay if I needed one and again (no
strings attached) we talked and drank some more and then he finally told me
that he had to lay it down and try to get some rest because he had to go to
work in a few hours - He welcomed me to stay and sleep on the couch or in
his bed with again "no strings attached" I decided I would stay the night
there. He offered me one of his T-shirts to sleep in and began undressing in
front of him (he hid his face and pointed towards the bathroom and said you
can go in there and change) I chuckled to myself and thought "What a country
bumpkin" but his innocent like ways were cute. Any how I ended up laying
down in his bed and a couple months later I realized I was pregnant with his
baby.
Scotty and began our life together ... He was so happy to have me there with
him. My daughter that was 10 was also there with us for a bit and he was
just great with her. He seemed like such a GREAT guy (and he really was ya
know), but drugs had a hold of him and me too at the time. I carried our
daughter to term and partied in the manner of beer and a couple match heads
of coke in the first 3 months of pregnancy then I quit and stayed clean and
sober during the rest of my pregnancy of course Scotty partied like usual. I
gave birth to a healthy beautiful baby girl and did the party thing all over
again after she was born.
With a new baby I couldn't run free like I used to and I got left at home
while Scott would go to the bar and do his thing. Sometimes Scotty and I
would go out to the bars and party together and later down the road I would
get pregnant and quit ... he would continue throughout my pregnancy ... I
would lay awake worrying about where he was and if he was okay .. was he
dead or alive. I called the bars, his friends, the hospital, jail all those
things hunting him down and eventually in would wander in drunk sometime in
the morning. I cried, yelled, screamed, tried to talk to him, reason with
him, guilt trip him ... you name it I did it - trying to make him clean up
his act. He would feel bad and say he was gonna clean up, but hey - we all
know the scene.
I got pregnant a second time and found out that I was having a boy and could
hardly wait to tell Scott ... I rushed home to tell him and on the way home
I saw his truck sitting out in front of a friends house (friend and dealer)
I stopped went in to find him there pawning one of his carpenter saws for a
quarter bag of crank. I was mad
and split. He came home shortly afterwards and hung his head in shame as
usual with all the I'm sorry I've let you down again speeches.
Any ways I gave birth to our son - On the day I was being discharged from
the hospital - After I had already checked out for I waited for two hours
for Scott to come and pick up me and his new baby. When he did arrive he was
so amped up it was embarrassing. He was sweating and talking so fast. I was
mad and hurt and thought how could he be late picking me and his son up from
the hospital. I yelled at him all the way home. He gave me some story about
bein' out ridin' his motorcycle with some other guy and the guy got pulled
over and of course good ol' Scotty had to ride off a bit and pull in some
where to keep an eye out for his buddy. The guy went to jail and Scotty went
up to some chick at the gas station who had a truck and asked her to help
him get his friends bike ... oddly enough they knew each other from the bar
and so she helped him. I always wondered how true that story was especially
down the road when we were at the bar together and I saw him in a corner
arguing with her about something. Looked like a lovers
quarrel to me.
Any how the night we got home with our son - Scotty took off to the bar
because he was mad that I bitched him out. I just sat home and cried finally
I called the bar and was told he wasn't there, but I told the bartender that
if she saw him to please tell him I was sorry and that I loved him and
wanted him to come home.
That was what our relationship was like. He would drink and use and I would
yell and scream and accuse him of being on dope ... he would lie .. I would
find his bag and bust him ... he would get pissed and leave or feel guilty
and apologize and like a vicious circle. This is the dance we did. He would
leave ... I would hunt him down via phone or with my car. We would fight,
make love, make up and do it all over again. I ended up going out and buying
my own quarter bag because I thought "Screw it" if you can't beat em ...
join em, but really all I wanted Scotty to do was accept me and if that
meant I had to use for him to like me again ... then I would use and I did.
We continued to fight and he continued to run - I chased and sometimes I did
my own running and he chased ... that was fun for me to have him come after
me for a change. We ended up moving out of our old neighborhood to a whole
new city ... hoping that we could get away from the drugs ... Scotty had
lost jobs and was taking whatever he could get ... We hoped our move would
bring us a new future and it kind of did for about a month. Scotty stayed
home with me and we were both clean. We laughed and had fun ... he was
really great to be around. I got pregnant again ..
One day Scotty left to look for work ... I puttered around the house doing
the "Susie homemaker thing" ... it got later and later in the day with No
sign of Scotty - I started worrying about him, wondering if he'd been in an
accident, calling the hospitals and jails, calling some of the local bars
... then that dread set in ... the thoughts of him using again filled my
mind, but I wouldn't let them take root ... There is just no way he would do
that I thought to myself ... hours> later he wandered in with some story
about running out of gas and some guy that was right on helping him out. Of
course the guy just happened to be a crank dealer and blah blah ... blah
blah blah ...but I didn't get any dope and I'm not gonna use I promise he
said.
Day after day night after night Scotties addiction took him further and
further away again. I wasn't sure I wanted to have this baby and do this
again, but I just couldn't go thru an abortion so there. I was pregnant
again for the third time with Scotty's baby. Scott began hanging out at his
new friends house a lot and he had become mean in his actions towards me.
One day he was outside being a jerk and I was going to our door just so I
didn't have to listen to his mouth spewing out obscenities towards me. I
shut the screen door and was about to begin to close the glass doors when
out of nowhere Scotty thrust a knife through the screen just barely stopping
before making contact with my pregnant belly. I continued shutting the door
and he went around front and broke through the door - tearing it off of the
hinges and everything.
We constantly fought and I constantly felt like if only I was a better
person or if only I didn't do this or did do that ...
then maybe he would love me and stop using. Once again we decided to move -
I must say I was relieved to leave that place - I was all for moving. We
were moving to the San Fernando Valley in LA County and were going to stay
with some friends for a bit till we got on our feet. Scotty was mellow
there, but still did his thing.
We got our own place and things remained the same for me - Wondering where
he was ... what he was doing ... He drank and did his dope, but seemed less
out of control as before. I had a friend that lived in Medford Oregon and
would talk to her on a regular basis. We decided to move to Oregon and try
and start a new life. My mom sent me some money to help us move. Things were
fun on the way there until our car burnt to the ground. My friend had to
come and get us. We stayed at her place and things were okay, but I was not
happy there either. Scotty drank, but I didn't notice much crank use, but of
course I was taking care of 3 babies now all in diapers I was focused on
them.
We ended up moving back to California a month later and staying at his
brothers wife's house. His brother was in jail for what else "DRUGS" ... any
way we stayed there ... found a place to move to and just like before it all
started over again. This time though I went out drinking with Scotty and
when we came home. I was so drunk .. I hugged the toilet all night ... the
next day I was thinking about things and realized that I didn't remember if
I paid our babysitter or not ... as a matter of fact I don't even remember
coming home. I thought to myself ... what if I had dropped my baby ... would
I have remembered to call 911 ... and that's when I knew things had to
change at least where I was concerned.
Scotty remained true his addictions and I was miserable. He would drink and
come home drunk ... yelling and screaming at me ... calling me all kinds of
names... I hated it ... I thought to myself if he calls me a F-Kn B one more
time ... I'm going to scream. I was so sick of my life and all the misery
Scott's drinking and drugs was causing .. I thought I am so unhappy and have
been unhappy for as long as I can remember .. I thought ... I am going to
just kill myself ... Yeah, that's it I'll kill myself ... I've tried drugs,
I've tried alcohol, I've tried men, I've tried everything and nothing works
... now there is nothing left but death. Then something said - Have you
tried God yet? ... Until you've tried God you haven't tried everything. I
prayed right then and there. I said, God, I don't want> to drink anymore, I
don't want to use drugs any more ... I don't even want to smoke any more.
Three days later It occurred to me that hadn't done any of my old habits and
I realized that not only had I> not practiced any old habits ... but I
didn't even have the desire to ... that was the beginning of the end of my
drug days for the next 4 years ... and at that moment I thought to myself
.."There must be something to this God thing" ... I could never quit on my
own before, but when I prayed it worked for me. It was a true miracle.
I began going to church. I wanted Scotty to come, but he preferred the bars
and his dope ... I took the kids and attended church ... he hung out with
his buddy's and did drugs. I told him that we needed to live in separate
places and that I wanted him to move ... he wasn't happy with me, but he
pretended like he would honor what I said and left to go work on his van so
that when he moved out he could leave me the car ... Well, that day I got a
phone call from Scott's friend ... Scotty had propped his Van up on one side
resting it on a couch and the other side was jacked up ... it was a windy
day and the wind blew the propped up side dropped on Scott while he was
under the van ... and he was rushed to the hospital ... Some friends from
church came over and took my kids so that I could leave to be with Scott ...
I got to the hospital and the doctors told me that they doubted that he
would live and if he lived they said he would have brain damage. I went to
see him and he was hooked up to tubes and monitors and all sorts of things.
He was in a coma and later the nurses told me that didn't think he would
make it through the night. Scotty had no broken bones, but had punctured a
lung. The big worry was that he had been under the Van for about 4 minutes
with little to no oxygen ... Well time went by and Scotty came out of the
coma, but couldn't move his right arm ... As time went on he healed
completely and was back to his old self before ya knew it. I thought for
sure he would have this new outlook on life since his life had been spared,
but no ... he didn't even remember the accident... I still had him move out
and he went to stay with his brother that had gotten out of prison, again
...
I continued on in church and he contained to worship his God -Meth and
Alcohol ... One day he came to me and said he wanted to be clean and sober
and start going to church .. We were married a few days later. I was so
happy that he was clean and he did real good for a while, but he fell here
and there ... before our first anniversary he was already back into his dope
world ... I'd come home from church and there would be all these people out
front - all druggies of course -
While Scotty was clean and going to church we had some really nice times. He
could be so wonderful when he was clean. I loved him dearly ... I kept
thinking he would come to his senses and stop doing dope again, but no such
luck ... it got worse ... I'd find evidence of his drug use and confront him
only to have him lie about it.
Our first anniversary rolled around and he was so proud to take me to Pismo
Beach, rent me a Lexis ... It was great ...except he just wasn't present. He
tried to be, but he just couldn't fake it and I could tell he really wanted
to make me happy and be clean, but if he did that he wouldn't be happy. So
from that point on Scotty lived the
way he wanted to ...
I left Scotty November 14th of 1994 I hoped it would be a wake up call for
him ... like a big smack in the
head, but it wasn't. He spiraled down even further. I would go see him from
time to time or have him over for dinner (he usually didn't eat). I was
having a hard time letting completely go of him. He would come to me every
now and then and tell me he needed help and I would try to help him. He went
in and out of drug rehab, Christian men's homes, but always returned to
drugs. I tried to help him as much as I could by taking him to meetings and
being supportive, but I got burnt out. The final straw for me was when he
stayed with me under the condition that he would go to the VA for out
patient rehab ... I would take him to the meetings and things ... he went
and seemed like he was doin' okay until one day I was in financial need and
was going to the swap meet to sell some things to pay a bill .. He said he
had some things he needed to sell too so he came along with me. I made a
little money he made a nice amount. That evening he had a meeting. I drove
him there dropped him off and didn't see him for a couple of days. He had
taken his money and spent it on dope. That WAS IT! I was done.
Don't get me wrong ... I let him come visit his kids and me, but I kept my
distance. He was staying with some friends and I would get phone calls from
people saying that he had ripped them off and that they had found needles
around the place he was stayin' ... I didn't believe them because I hadn't
seen that side of Scotty. I knew that in his past he had used needles, but I
didn't think he did when he was with me. There was a time or two that he
came to visit and fell asleep on my couch ... and I thought that there might
have been needle marks on him, but I wasn't sure and I didn't want to ask to
have him lie about it ... and if the truth be> known ... I really didn't
want to know. I do know that I watched a man go from a hard working man to a
man that couldn't hold a job and I watched a man that had a place to live
begin to live under overpasses and down by lakes.
One day Scotty came to me and told me that he really wanted help and a
friend of mine directed him to a place in Sacramento called the Lord's House
... Scotty went to Sacramento and stayed there for a while ... He got a job
at the church and did quite well for a fairly good amount of time. He would
come and visit for the holidays... he really was trying, but the hope he now
held for a relationship with me was gone. I had lost all trust.
Scott moved out of the Lords House, but stayed in Sacramento ... I ended up
moving to Maryland in 1998 Scotty called me up and said he wanted to come
see his kids ... I told him okay, but that he would have to stay in a motel
because he couldn't stay with me. When he showed up he had 5 dollars to his
name. I let him hang at my place for 2 nights and then I took him to a place
to talk to someone about rehab ... I gave him 10 bucks and dropped him off.
One the way to this place he was trying to tell me how much he had changed -
"Changed, I yelled, You haven't changed ... Here I sit in this van driving
you to another place so that you can go into a rehab - You haven't changed
at all Scott ... What has changed is ME and this is the last time that I am
going to do this with you. I am not the same woman I was in California ...
and you are not going to put me through this ever again ... So you better
get it right this time".
Scott got into a rehab, but took off a few weeks later and went back to
Sacramento. We would talk to him from time to time via telephone.
He would always try to tell me he was doing good, but I knew he was
lying.
I moved to Portland Oregon in June of 2001 and I hunted Scott down via
telephone so that he would at least know where his kids were ... at that
time Scott was traveling around with some Carnival ... but he did say that
he would like for me to look up jobs for him and to help him find a
Salvation Army out here to stay at, but I didn't ...I honestly didn't want
him to move here unless he could have came out here with enough money to
find a place to live and really look for work on his own ... I would get
letters from Scott apologizing to me and the kids .. He would always let me
know he wished we could get back together and I know Scotty loved me as best
as he knew how ... but I couldn't put myself of our kids through his drug
addiction.
He later ended up in Santa Cruz California and has lived there the past
three years ... We talked a few times and he sent the kids some money for
their birthdays and Christmas ... I don't know what he did for work there,
but I do know that he used the homeless shelter as his address. He would
write the kids and our oldest daughter was going to school out in California
he would go and visit her. I saw his effort there.
He told me he wanted to see our other kids and get to know them ... but I
was really scared to let him. I was afraid he would hurt them with his drug
use. They had been hurt enough.
I had always been honest with them about his drug use and never tried to
cover it up. I figured it was better to know that daddy was a drug addict
and that is what kept daddy from being around rather then chance them
thinking daddy didn't love them. I talked to Scotty about a year ago ... I
was distant ... I had to be ... I wasn't about to let him in ever again.
Our older daughter told me that he had gone to see her in June of 2004 and
he kept leaving and going to the bar, he was hanging out with old friends
that use. A mutual friend said that he was sweating and acting like a wild
man. Drinking one beer after another - He was with his brother who had just
got out of prison YET AGAIN - for - DRUGS.
My daughter was upset with her dad because he was supposed to be helping her
move to Colorado ... He was to drive the Uhaul, but she didn't feel safe
with him acting like he was. A friend confronted him on his behavior and he
did the typical and was insulted ... he said he resented being accused of
being on drugs. He told them that they could figure out how to get to
Colorado themselves and left.
I n November of 2004 I had tried to contact Scotty regarding the kids, but
he did not answer his cell phone ... I called and left message after message
with nothing in return (That was very odd for Scott, because one thing he
had been trying to do was call back if it was one of the kids or about one
of them)
On Feb 9th 2005 I got a phone call from our oldest daughter that lives in
Colorado. I picked up the phone and said, Hello ... She said, "Mom" ... I
said, Yes, ... She said, "Dad died" ... I will never forget those words ...
Scotty died on Oct 16, 2004 due to complications from drug use .he had been
shooting up and as a result he got a bacterial infection (Cellulitis) ...
(which he probably thought was just an abscess) he more then likely tried to
treat it himself and when he realized that he couldn't and it was getting
worse he then went to the hospital, but he had waited to long because it had
turned into staph + necrotizing fasciitis. He lived for seven days until his
body went into septic shock and he had a cardiac arrest and died.
I just found this out Feb 9th of 2005. Scotty had listed himself as single
... therefore they didn't try to find his wife to tell her or his kids ...
He died being labeled a transient with no kin.
Instead of celebrating his 48th birthday ... Scott was being cremated.
I spoke with the Coroner and Sheriff and they told me that a man named John
took Scott to the hospital and after Scott passed away ... John tried to say
he was Scott's brother and claim his personal belongings - When asked for ID
John then said, Well I was like a brother. WHAT A VULTURE ... The very
people that paraded around as his friends were the first to try and rip him
off. I was angered by this to no end.
You know when we use we think - What's the big deal ... I'm not hurting no
one ... That is not the truth ... because people are being hurt by your drug
use. Everyone who loves you is being hurt by it. Just ask Scotty's Kid's ...
They've suffered the ultimate pain - Their dad is DEAD because of his choice
to use.
If you are reading this and you are using drugs (it doesn't matter what kind
of drugs or how you use them) Please get help. There is hope for you.
Remember this:
" As Long As There Is Breath ... There Is Hope"
Do you or someone you love suffer from Methamphetamine drug use?
The drug is referred to by many names including Meth, speed, crank, go-fast,
zip, crystal ...
If you or someone you love is under the influence of Meth I want to
introduce you to a wonderful website that will help you understand this drug
and its effects on a person. This is the most informative website I have
ever found ... it explains this drug in a way that can be understood.
Here is the link to the Website
(It explains the drug and its effects)
The drug and it's effects
The drug and it's effects
There is also a Message Board where recovering addicts, addicts and people
who love an addict can post questions, vent, or simply read about what
others have and are going through. I cannot stress how absolutely wonderful
and informative this site is.
Here is the link to the Message Board:
Methamphetamine Discussion Board
Methamphetamine Discussion Board
Come visit ... See for yourself
There is no cost to you
Or
as Scotty would say, "NO STRINGS ATTACHED"
In Memory Of
William Scott Simmons
October 22, 1957 to October 16, 2004
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