I read your comments on Methadone with interest, which turned to annoyance. Yours is the type of typical comment that I have been hearing for over twenty years. I was a gutter level Heroin addict for about seventeen years, I went in & out of various Methadone programs with out much success, at the time I was so cross addicted Methadone only added to my huge problems. I went through all the usual things strung out junkies go through, overdosing, intense paranoia from years of speed balling, that Methadone contributed to.

I hated Methadone, I didn't understand it, or how it was meant to help
me. I used until I wound up back where I had started years earlier in Manhattan. I went to join the local Methadone program out of desperation, & exhaustion, ( I was almost at the end of my run) I found myself doing the usual signing in at an unearthly early hour with a few other desperate junkies. At the time I had no great expectations. On getting in to the program I met with an ancient Doctor who was very compassionate & caring . At the time most programs would only allow you to be on a maximum of 100 mgs. I was quickly put on the max. I continued to speed ball. I was hopelessly depressed almost done with the whole damn world. I continued to go to the clinic. The old Doc suggested that I move up to 110mgs, He went to bat for me
it was unusual to be on that much, I continued to shoot dope, the next week I was raised to 120 I still used, the next week he raised me to 130, the whole time I was treated like a human with a brain not a piece of dirt that had scrambled eggs for brains, like I had felt in the past in these programs, I had walked out of a few, left crying, or stayed a few days to get a take home only to never return.

Something different was about to happen. I was shooting coke one very average morning in my sparse kitchen, when all the freak-show things started to occur, people hiding in cupboards...some one standing outside my front door, I would stand staring out of that peephole for hours... OO the paranoia was the same it had always been.. Terrifying, I remember sitting in that new kitchen I had just moved into, saying to myself "is this all that life is going to be about for me"?...I tipped the vodka down the drain, threw the coke down the toilet, which was something I was so used to doing because I could never go to sleep until all the drugs were gone, & I would have had to stay up for days usually with the amount I bought, so in order to make it to work ( I always worked ) I would everyday throw coke away in order to get some sleep...So I did that.

I remember thinking that I had been sprinkled with some sort of "Magic dust " that would in fact save me from this hideous circle of self abuse. I went & signed up to the nearest Methadone program. I remember begging them to take me, at that time there were only a few patients being accepted. And I always thought they wouldn't think I was sick enough(??) Well they took me. It really wasn't a great program more of a step from being in the gutter to sitting on the sidewalk, not really what I was looking for. It was awful to go there every day , And I might add I continued to use. But nowhere near what I was doing before. I sought out another program...They also enrolled me, & that's where I found this wonderful old doctor who took an interest in my story & thought there was hope for me.

He started me on 100mg, I continued to use, he raised me to 110, & also did a lot of blood work they found my system was eating the Methadone very quickly. He had talked about getting a split dose, but the state wouldn't allow him to prescribe that for me (or anyone else) he raised me again to 120 I shot dope that whole week I remember feeling more hopeless. I couldn't get through a day with out feeling that all consuming urge to use an opiate. I describe it as some sort of mental pain that starts in my gut a pain that only opiates can squash. The good Doc raised me again to 130mgs, it was like getting that final blessing from the Gods & or Goddesses above, I actually didn't have the urge to use. I would wake up like any other normal person, have breakfast, wash, maybe read the paper....and not want to start planning my day around copping, I hadn't felt like this since....well ever...I had always felt the pain, since I was a child, as soon as I found out what Heroin was or Junkies were, I knew that's what I wanted to be. Most people say " who ever grew up saying , I want to be a junkie"? well I did, I know, I know I'm a sick fuck buts that what I remember.

The rest is history it saved me I stopped using, that was almost fifteen years ago now. I have a baby who is healthy & my greatest joy, a husband whom I adore, & a life I love. I'm happy & fulfilled. I am a writer, (although I am dyslexic) I am writing a story of my life, that has had interest from some HBO people. And for me I have to say its all thanks to Methadone. I ask myself "could I have done it on my own"? well I had tried for years to quit in & out of expensive detox programs, & T.C's nothing could stop the pain. Therapy, yes I was in therapy for years it wasn't for me, but hell I tried. I tried it all but for me Methadone worked. I will be a life. I am Methadone success story, I go once a week, & am allowed traveling bottle's when ever I need them . The supervisor at my program is wonderful & I thank them all for their time & added interest in trying to save my life. That's my quick version of finding "the light" and a healthy lifestyle.
 

Drugs of Abuse
[ Methadone Addiction ] [ Heroin Addiction ] [ Alcoholism Effects ] [ Marijuana ] [ Club Drugs ] [ Cocaine Addiction ] [ Metahamphetamine ] [ Inhalants ] [ LSD ] [ PCP Phencyclidine ] [ Prescription Drugs ] [ Drug Paraphernalia ]

Main Website
[ Methadone Addiction ] [ Heroin Addiction ] [ Alcoholism Effects ] [ Marijuana ] [ Club Drugs ] [ Cocaine Addiction ] [ Metahamphetamine ] [ Inhalants ] [ LSD ] [ PCP Phencyclidine ] [ Prescription Drugs ] [ Drug Paraphernalia ]